Monday, March 16, 2009

Blog: I'm Pregnant

Originally Posted August 22, 2007 on MySpace

~ Your friend posts a bulletin. You read it. Sometimes it has personal info. Sometimes it has something they wanted to pass along. Both of these may or may not come with a curse/hex/threat attached. Sometimes your friend will post a bulletin, you'll read it, and it contains nothing but a curse/hex/threat. Now, in 100% of these cases the ill fate can be avoided if you only take 2 min. out of your pampered life to repost. But, by reposting you subject your friends to the same proclamations of doom and despair. How can this CHAIN ever be broken?

~ For you, my friends, I have been breaking these chains and taking the punishments that follow. And, for the last six months I have been compiling a list of all the atrocities that you, my friends, have sent my way. I'm providing that list here for your perusal. warning! mature content. parental discretion is advised.

  • 90 years 41 days of bad luck.
  • 116 years 199 days of relationship problems with 2 additional life sentences
  • No one will ask me out for 5 years.
  • I'll regret it.
  • I'm boring.
  • I'm lazy.
  • I'm cold hearted times 2.
  • I'm heartless.
  • I'm afraid of what people think of me.
  • I'll have guilt.
  • I'm twice a bitch.
  • I'll lose 12 loved ones.
  • I'll never find love 2 times.
  • I'll simply die 12 times.
  • I'll be raped by by a man with a blue, maggot-filled penis and skinned alive twice. (very uncouth)
  • I'll wake up in a sewer 6 times.
  • A baby's ghost will slit my throat 2 times. (my favorite)
  • I obviously don't care if my mom dies.
  • I have no soul.
  • I have no feelings thrice.
  • I'm ashamed of Jesus.
  • I'll have the worst life.
  • I'll lead the loneliest life 2 times.
  • Something bad will happen.
  • I'll never have good sex.
  • My genitals will rot.
  • I'll become celibate.
  • Tom will delete my account 6 times.
~ As you can see I'm not dead and my account is still active... for now. If you do no repost this as "OMFG! i'm pregnant" in the next 123 sec. your feet will smell like carrots for 5 months.

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